SmartestAndy is an expert on guns, women and booze. There is nothing he doesn't know about these subjects. You won't believe his life experiences and his opinions will knock your socks off.

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Story of The Traveling Lunch Box

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3/18/12- Before the morning meeting Dina came in with a story, a heartwarming story about her childhood infatuation with a rock singer named Davey Jones, a member of an ancient rock band, correction bubblegum rock band, and how she wanted a lunch box with the Monkees images on it that she had seen in the window of a local hardware store. Dina wanted this lunch box so bad and so on and so forth. Dina was a wee little girl and she had eight brothers and sisters and her parents back in the sixties didn’t have much money to go around. Small little Dina was out for herself, like she is these days (pushing sixty). Some things will never change and little Dina pestered her parents for that Monkees lunch box and badgered them and kept up this behavior until her parents gave in to shut that little bitch up. Her poor parents begged, bowed and scraped to get this special lunch box for Dina and and when she finally took this lunch box up to he room (why did she have her own room with 8 brothers and sisters? I only had 1 brother and sister and I didn't have my own room.) So Dina opened up her lunch box and she was skunked because it had a Beatles rock band logo on it and not the Monkees. She said." Who Are The Beatles?" Her parents didn't know the difference and back in the sixties it wasn't as easy to bring things back as it is in these days.  Read More 

There seems to be a growing consensus among smartestmark.com patrons that  I like the notion that people may enjoy the arousal of sexual intercourse by engaging in it during the woman's menstrual period. TO THE CONTRARY, I STRONGLY DISCOURAGE THIS TYPE OF GROSS ACTIVITY AND SUGGEST THAT THIS SHOULD ONLY BE PERFORMED UNDER THE HORNIEST OF CIRCUMSTANCES! For example, when people are very drunk and haven't had sex for a long period of time, might serve as an acceptable scenario.

My Job

2/15/09- You have to play the cards that life deals you. It's not so much life doing the dealing but society or the status quo. I'm sure my boss Jack and his boss Jerry and all of Jerry's henchmen still have there precious little jobs. What is precious to them is something they would sell there own mothers down the river for. That's their jobs that they worked at for a minimum of 25 years, some well above 30 years. They are safe and me with only with 11 1/2 years is out on the street. But I'm really not out on the street, I'm in a big warm house, with a big SUV at my disposal and plenty of money coming in from the government, just to sit at home and watch reruns of "Drew Carry show" and reruns of "Just Shot me" and listen to the Jonathan Brandmeir show on the radio. But enough about poor me, getting back to the henchmen,  they are doing it in the name of "running the business", they always cared much more about the machines than they did the people. Do all bosses/mangers? Are they cut from the same cookie cutter or are they all self serving egomaniacs that can suck the nails out of a board? Is this a constant in the universe or just with businesses in America or all businesses worldwide? Is this what Jesus wants them to do with there lives? Am I to be an inspiration to the unemployed people sitting at home? The Lord works in mysteries ways? Money is essentially made from paper. Why can't Obama just print up some more of it,build a new factory with new printing press's and print twice or three times the amount he is printing now . Oh I forgot,  If Me and others like me had as much paper money as Jerry or his henchmen or the rest of the cookie cutter gang throughout the world, they would have no power over me. They couldn't get anybody to do the actual work. Hopefully they will all BURN IN THE BOWELS HELL!!!! 


My Face

1/18/09- My face is the face of what might had been. If only when I was at the crossroads and decided to turn a different direction. This woman instead of that one. This job instead of that other job. This better car instead of the cheep one. Made friends with this group of people instead of the ones I have, kissed this ones ass? Life could had been so much more grand. Maybe I could had conquered the world. To be or not to be? Dose everyone live with regrets. Does anyone just live ? Take it as it comes? I wish I could . Quit trying to control what is beyond my control. Is this war with ones self going on inside of everyone or just little me? Do I matter? Will the people I tried to impress and worried so much about what they thought of me, cry at my funeral? Will they even come? I have a lot, a family and a big house, but still my whole life I wanted something different. Not sure what I wanted but still wanted it. Maybe the war that goes on within ones self is more passionate or volatile or evident within me than others. Maybe it is in others but they are are better able to control it. I'll never know. I am not them and they are not me. Thanks again everyone for listing to my drunken gibberish.

Part 2-  My problem is burning bridges I work so hard at conniving ways to get people to like me and have a social life (by the way I think I forgot to mention that I usually drink alone.) Then all of these relationships are going along and are there, and I lose my temper and blow everything. Like the old song says "All the burning bridges that are burning after me." I have a hot Italian temper like Johnny Sack on The Sopranos, If you ever got a chance to see that show. But what can I do? That's me the story of my life. I could go to a  shrink and let him or her prescribe Paxil for me, but in addition to the side effects of Paxil destroying peoples sex drive, it just wouldn't be me. Me thinks I should just continue to self medicate with alcohol. Can anybody out there help me? What the hell should I do? I could turn to God is what I should had done from the beginning. God can fix anything. He can change the opinion of family members, of co-workers, bosses and friends . Hell if he razed Lazarus from the dead after 3 days in the tomb, fixing my teeny tiny problems are nothing for him. I often wonder about God hearing the cries of the people involved in the blood shed on the Gaza Strip. They got real problems over there. But it is written that God looks on the small things and gives them equal weight or even more weight than to man's big things. A verse about God knows when a sparrow falls and dies. Thanks everyone for listing to my drunken gibberish.


1/11/09- I knew Jerry (must read all of Smartestmark's column on Jerry and Rhoda first before reading this drunken gibberish), actually he is related to me by law. I barely knew Rhoda ,saw her only twice at the beginning and the end the funeral and when they first met. Only knew bits and pieces of what happened between them. Until I read Smartestmark's column. Maybe too concerned with myself to care until now and he has been dead for maybe five years now but Jerry was one of those special people that had relationships with a lot of cool people . Never thought about himself unlike the rest of his family. I'll put it like this to quote a song about Jerry " This world was never meant for one as beautiful as you"

Drunken Gibberish

1/10/09- What is love anyway? The Greek language has four different words dissecting the English word for love. One  Greek word for love of brother and sister or mother or father. One word for love of wife or girlfriend . One word for love of money or possessions. One for love of God or Jesus . But English which has fifteen million words to its credit only affords one word and groups it all in to one word "love". The English language has countless words that most people never use including the President of the United States. And why are curse or swear words so taboo? They are part of most peoples vocabulary used mostly for emphases. sure there is a time and place for everything. Thanks everybody for listening to my drunken gibberish